Fine Mannequin Dining
by Miz-KTakase
Summary: In a parody of a popular (yet disgusting) Monty Python skit, Miss Monochrome and Caramel dine in a very posh restaurant, where they eat together in expensive foods. But here's the catch: they eat like live mannequin dolls, and make a mess of the place. Miz-K's first Miss Monochrome fic. Rated T for language and suggestive themes.


**_The following fic is a retelling parody of "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life". However, it is a rehashed scene of a popular and sickening one, which the author DOES NOT own. The author does not own the following characters from the series, "Miss Monochrome".  
To warm regards, please read & review, and also, please do not sue. The author knows his rights, and a few of the characters here are guest OCs.  
-Acknowledged, The Editor (Female)_**

* * *

One day in a fancy restaurant, a woman with long brown hair, in a black tuxedo, was waiting by the podium, as she was greeting men in tuxedos and women in evening gowns, preparing seats for the guests. Suddenly, five girls appeared, walking in a doll-like robotic fashion. One girl has long white hair, done in long pigtails, with a white top and a black and white checkerboard skirt on. Another was wearing a blue skirt and white dress, with her red hair long. Another girl was in a pink cardigan, with a red skirt, and with brown hair, done up to her shoulders. Another girl was in blonde hair and a green bow, wearing a white shirt with a green tie, and a green skirt. And the fifth girl was wearing yellow ribbon, behind her light brown hair, wearing a white shirt and yellow skirt. They stood in place, with each girl showing NO emotion, whatsoever. The woman prepared, as the girl in white said, in a robotic tone, "Hello. Table for five, from Miss Monochrome and friends."

The woman at the podium looked at the guestbook and said, "Ah, _oui_. You five, again? _Madam Monochrome and Caramel_. We have a table ready for you. Walk this way, please?"

She lead Miss Monochrome to her table, as a girl in pink clothing was watching, from in the hallway, viewing Miss Monochrome and Caramel.

"Shit!" She griped, "It's Miss Monochrome, _again_!"

She ran away, jumping into an open window, leaving the restaurant. The girls were standing in place, as the woman in white was sitting down. She said, "Please, may you seat my friends?"

The woman asked, "But of course. Any particular reason why?"

"They cannot sit by themselves."

"Right. Uh, who sits who?"

The girl in red said, "I am Akemi."

The woman bent Akemi forward and posed her in a sitting position.

The girl in blue said, "I am Yui."

The girl in yellow said, "I am Atsuko."

The girl in green said, "I am Kana."

The woman posed each Caramel girl in a seated position, with Akemi and Yui sitting to Monochrome's right, and Atsuko & Kana in her left. She adjusted the seats. The woman said to Miss Monochrome, "I'll be right back with the _Maitre D'._ "

She walked off, as Monochrome said, "I am hungry."

The woman called, "Gaston, one tarp for the _madams_."

A man in short brown hair, in a waiter's outfit, was shocked. He grumbled, as he left to the storage room, to get a tarp.

Minutes later, the girls remained in a seated position, as a man in a purple suit, a menu, and blonde hair, approached the mannequin-like girls. He spoke, " _Allo?_ Can you speak? Are you survive?"

Monochrome turned to him and asked, "Ah. Are you our waiter?"

"Maitre D', yes. Here you are." The man said, "I am Reginald, I am your waiter, this afternoon."

The waiter returns with a huge blue tarp, rolled up. Reginald said, " _Merci,_ Gaston."

He said to the girls to lift up the table. They lifted it up, together, as the waiter rolled the blue tarp under the table, where the girls are eating in. Reginald said, "Thank you, Gaston."

Monochrome said, "Lift?"

The girls nodded, in unison, as Reginald said, "Ah, _oui_ , _pardon_. Gaston?"

He gave the menus to Miss Monochrome and Caramel, as he explained, "Now, today's special, this afternoon, is a favorite from our _monsieur: Jagged Carp_. This carp, is broiled and baked, is very high, and comes with a sauce that is very rich, with anchovies, truffles, Grand Mariner, bacon, and crème."

Gaston left, as Akemi said, "We'd like that."

Reginald said, "Pardon me."

He said to Gaston, as Kana held a glass of water with her doll-like hand, "Another tarp, Gaston."

 **SMASH!  
** Kana dropped the glass of water, and it fell to the floor, breaking the clear fragile drinking glass. Reginald called out, " _And_ a cleaning lady."

Kana turned her head slowly and said, "Sorry. I was thirsty."

Reginald said, "Oh, it is alright, _madam._ A thousand pardons. Now, _a maintenant, madam_ , would _madam_ and friends care for some _apéritifs_ , or order straight ahead?"

Yui said to Reginald, "Appetizers shall be fine."

Atsuko dropped her menu, from her hands, as Reginald said, "Now, today on the menu, for appetizers… excuse me…"

He placed the menu back in Atsuko's rigid hands, and continued, "…for the appetizers, uh, _moules marinières (Mussels), paté de foie gras, béluga caviar, eggs Benedict, tart de poireaux –_ that's leek tart – _frogs' legs amandine,_ or _oeufs de caille_ Richard Bay – _c'est à dire,_ little quails' eggs on a bed of puréed mushroom, ready for explosive effects. It's very delicate. Very subtle."

Monochrome said, "We like all of them."

Caramel said in unison, "Yes."

Reginald smiled, "Wise choice, milady. And now, how would you like it served? All, uh, mixed up together in a… …wooden boat?"

Kana said, "Big sushi boat?"

Akemi added, "Luxury cruise."

Atsuko said, "And make it."

Yui concluded, "With eggs on top."

Reginald said, "Ah, but of course, _madams_ , _avec les oeufs frites_."

Monochrome said, "Don't skimp on _paté_."

He stated, "Ah, ah, but, uh, I can assure you, just because it is mixed up with all ze other things, sided together in a cruise ship, we would not dream of giving you less than ze full amount. In fact, I will _personally_ make sure that you five will have a _double_ helping. _Maintenant quelque chose à boire_. Something to drink?"

Monochrome said, "The usual. We would like you finest _Chateau Deux Tons '45…_ and we'll also have-."

 **SMASH!  
** Yui drops a small bread plate to the floor, as Monochrome said, "…your finest _orange jus_."

He said, " _Bon._ And the usual _club sodas_?"

Kana said, "Yes. But we."

Yui added, "Cannot."

Atsuko replied, "Have more."

Akemi concluded, "Than six crates."

Reginald scolded, as he said, "I hope _madams_ were not overdoing it, like last night."

The girls turned their heads slowly to him, as they said, in unison, "Shut up."

He replied, " _D'accord._ Ah! The second tarp, and the cleaning lady."

Gaston returned with a new tarp, while a girl with long blue hair, in a pale blue maid uniform, was cleaning up the broken dishes. Akemi threw a breadstick at the cleaning lady, as Atsuko tossed another plate to the floor, breaking it into pieces. They remained in place, as Reginald went to another table, seeing four customers leaving, by the sight of the mannequin girls' unorthodox table manners.

"Oh? Is something wrong with the food?" Reginald asked, as Yui smashed a breadstick into her face. She did not open her mouth, as she was trying to eat it.

A man in white hair said, "Oh, no. Nothing is wrong with the food."

Reginald stated, "Ah, then it must be that you're not happy…"  
 **SMASH!  
** "…with the service."

Atsuko and Akemi tossed spoons and bowls onto the floor, trying to pick up what they wanted. The man said, "Oh, no. No complaints."

A woman with her black hair done in a bun, and a black evening gown, said, "No, rather. It's just, we have to go. I am getting a rather stomach-ache and heavy diarrhea."

The man added, "Yes. Also, we… have a train to catch."

The woman said, "Yes, I don't want to start excreting all over the seats, sir?"

Reginald bowed, "Madam."

Kana was having a bowl of soup, but she knocked the bowl off, reaching for her spoon, as it fell to the floor, breaking the bowl and spilling the contents. The man groaned, "Uh, perhaps we should be going…"

The couple left, as Reginald said, "Ah, very well, _Monsieur_. I understand. Thank you so much. So, nice to see you, and I hope very much we will see you again, very soon. _Au revoir, Monsieur_."

 **SPLOOSH!  
** Reginald huffed, as he said in embarrassment, "Oh, dear. I have trodden in _madam's_ tarp."

Akemi held her water glass, and have a drink. But she doused herself in water, aiming at her face, pouring all over herself. Soup, bread, pasta, and other foods were flying about, and dishes were destroyed, all over the floor.

Reginald called to Gaston, " _Another_ tarp and five sets of plates and dinnerware for _madams._ "

Kana smeared herself with red sauce, trying to eat it with her doll hands. Reginald was disgusted, as he said, "And perhaps a _hose_. Ew."

He pulled his left leg up, from the pile of broken dishes and ruined food that he stepped on, near Akemi's seat. They were given their food, as Monochrome helped herself to the food. Kana grabbed some eggs Benedict, and threw a portion of it at Yui's face. Akemi used her arms to reach for the food, but drops a fork on the floor, and smashed another drinking glass. Gaston returned with another blue tarp, as Kana was having the quail's eggs, but could not reach it into her face. She patted it, repeatedly, as Monochrome grabbed a knife and cut the air.

As they continued with their _weird table manners,_ a man in a mauve suit started to turn his stomach, as he witnessed everything that has been going on. He coughed, as he held his own coughs. Another man, in a blue suit, was hiccupping, seeing these girls, eating in habits no one would understand. He held it in, as he continued eating.

Minutes later, they finished eating their food, after leaving only a soiree of mulch, all over the table, and with some dishes left over, stacked on the table, or strewn about on the floor, near their legs, on three blue tarps. They were all messy, with some food in their hair, damp in their clothing, and some sauce and stuff in their faces. Miss Monochrome said, "Thank you for the food."

They held their hands and prayed, "Thank you for the food."

 **SMASH!  
** The dishes near Kana and Atsuko's area fell down and were smashed to bits. Reginald returned, with a tray, full of green mints. He said to the girls, "And now, finally, the after-dinner mints. Wafer-thin."

Yui turned her head and said, "Oh. No. Thank you."

Akemi added, "I am too full."

Reginald insisted, "But it _is_ wafer-thin."

Kana said, "That is alright, sir. I don't want mints."

Atsuko replied, "Thank you. But no."

He said to Miss Monochrome, " _Madam_?"

Miss Monochrome said, as she held her hand out, "Please."

He used a pair of small tongs, and grabbed the mint. He placed the mint in her hand, as he greeted, " _Bon appetit_." And then he sprinted away.

Monochrome dropped the mint to the floor. She said, "Oops."

Kana fell to the floor and said, "I'll get it."

Reginald ran to the entrance and hid behind the wall corner. He hid behind, watching the girls look for the mint. Kana was on all-fours, crawling around, as Atsuko held up a handful of mashed potatoes. She opened her mouth and threw the potatoes at Yui, into her chest. She dropped to the floor, on her back, with her legs and arms up, all stiffened. Akemi went under the table, as Kana turned her head, left and right, looking for the mint, near Monochrome's legs. Atsuko threw another glob of potatoes. This time, it hit an innocent bystander, eating her roast beef with parsley. Atsuko reached for a plate, but knocked down the candelabra in the middle of the table. The flames dissipated, landing on the puddle of club soda, near Yui's plate. A sauce-soaked Kana got up, as Akemi was crawling towards Kana's legs. Atsuko landed on the table, lying faced down, covered in soda and green leaves, as Akemi got up, tossing the table over, throwing all the messy foods, plates, and debris all over the customers, eating beside them. They were soaked in a huge tidal wave of food, water, and broken dishes. Akemi and Kana stumbled down together, on the messy floor, as Atsuko was lying on her side, motionless and stiff, near the tilted table. Miss Monochrome stood up, as the customers and people were roaring in anger, rushing out to the exit, exclaiming of the bad service that has been going on. They all stormed off in furious banter, as two men stayed, the one in mauve and the one in blue, who couldn't stop puking.

Reginald returned, seeing the mess, as he gave Miss Monochrome the check.

"And now, _madam_ , the check. _Credit, bon?_ " he said.

Miss Monochrome held the check, as the other girls were lying motionless. Reginald asked them, " _Excusé moi,_ but you girls need any help?"

Miss Monochrome said, "Let them. They'll get up, on their own."

Reginald bowed and said, "Indeed, _madam._ Do come again, soon. _Au revoir, madam._ And see you in _trois semaines_."

* * *

And that's how it is. Miss Monochrome and Caramel, the girls who posed as a _Living Mannequin Troupe_ , come to this restaurant, every three weeks, and became regulars, acting in-character. And every time they eat, it was the _same thing;_ they destroy the place, by acting like mannequins who dine in a rich place. Of course, this was their _sixth_ time they ate there, and paid for their usual service: _$150 for the food, and over $2,500 in damages_. They were also rich, as they tend to go there, every three weeks, after a successful _Troupe Performance_. And every time they'd dine there, it was the _same thing_ , every three weeks.

* * *

 ** _Moral of the story:_** _Mannequins who dine in a fancy restaurant have VERY BAD table manners._

* * *

 ** _NOTE:_** _This short "Miss Monochrome" fic retells the infamous and disgusting "Mr. Creosote" skit in "Monty Python's The Meaning of Life" (which I do not own ANY of it). The girls act out as the posing mannequins, who opposite Mr. Creosote, but with a very different story. Instead of eating until you explode, the girls made a complete mess in the restaurant, which proves that bad etiquette leads to trouble.  
Also, I apologize if it is rather disturbing. I did kinda toned down the disgusting moments._

* * *

 ** _Thanks for reading!_**


End file.
